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I wanted to be a stereotypical mom. I would stand there at my place of employment in the last few months I was there and talk to customers and co-workers about my new life. I’d describe the psychology viagra women we were building in Vermont and how I envisioned my new life as a stay-at-home-mom to lil moonspun. It involved carpools, baking cookies, reading stories, crafts and grocery shopping. After years of working and spending the first 5 years of lil moonspun’s life being the sometimes sole and oft most serious breadwinner in our household, I longed for a change. I envisioned lil moonspun and her friends when older piling into the kitchen after school and me cheerfully serving them fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. All of my scrapbooks would be up to date and life would be lovely, neat and orderly.

Yea, right.

So my dreams morphed into different realities and here I am 8 years from when that adorable picture of my daughter was taken. I don’t know if anything about my life is stereotypical mom. And that’s ok. My life is good. Although still amusing with my past with FFO, as yesterday I picked up carpool and met one of lil moonspun’s special subject teachers for the first time. (It’s a new subject in 3rd grade). I shake her hand and introduce myself, telling her I am lil moonspun’s mother. She looks confused for a moment and says “Oh I thought I met someone last week who said she was lil moonspun’s mother.” I smile and simply say, “yea, she has two moms and two stepdads” and then I walk away.

Anyway, so today, I left work a couple hours early and picked up lil moonspun at carpool and also got one of her friends from brownies for a playdate. As I type they have had fits of giggles, played soccer outside, dug for worms, experimented with salt, baking soda, vinegar and stale cereal, (no it didn’t explode, but I wondered for a moment) and now are serving food out of a restaurant. I just ordered from their handwritten menu “samwich, and role and budre” and the dog menu, includes “allioil and livr.”

So as the kids were outside and I was cleaning, serving snacks and making bread for the people who are staying at our house this weekend, I was brought back to my dream. I felt, just for this afternoon, like the mom I once thought I would be.

I’ve been thinking alot about motherhood and what it means to me now. Especially this week since lil moonspun and I had a heartfelt talk about life and some of her very intense and understandable feelings about having divorced parents and no siblings around all year round. And while nothing has necessarily turned out how I thought it would, that’s ok. But it is interesting to remember my dreams and what I once thought life might be like. Most times measuring them against my reality only reinforces that life has in some ways exceeded many of my highest expectations.

Time to go eat and order again…this time I think I’ll have ‘wattr and chikin’. Can I have these adorable girls deliver some to you?

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One of the buzz phrases at our University is shared governance, meaning that the administration listens to all kinds of constituencies in its policy and gives everyone a voice.

I know for sure that our President, both of whom RP and I have the utmost respect for, believes this wholeheartedly. I haven’t been completely convinced about his upper level VP’s and those that surround him. They are oft like feudal lords protecting their own and keeping their underlings dependent on them.

During my 15 years in retail, I worked for a pretty darn progressive company who listens to it’s team members and I felt very empowered. I do here at the University, but I am also blessed with my Great Boss, and being married to a respected and beloved faculty member. I have been struck over the past 2+ years at, as a whole, how disempowered and fearful some of the staff are. And it’s not ok with me.

While I am not a true go-getter, I do like to get in to things and try in small ways to make things better. So in January I was lucky to be appointed to the committee that represents the Staff on campus. (kind of like a student council for grown-ups) There is a faculty version as well, and my hubby is the vice chair of it.

Well, as of yesterday with new terms starting and new officers being elected, I found myself as a vice chair, too. Not sure if I will live to regret it or not. That remains to be seen. But it sure will be an experience. At least now when RP listens to some of my sputterings about goings on, I have another vehicle through which to try and make positive change.

And with RP and I being married, I guess it really is shared governance!

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So I am dating myself here, but it’s not like you all don’t know I am 42 years old…but I watched the first EVER episode of Sesame Street. My mom says I was 2 1/2 and I loved it. She says there was lots of hype about and I sat down in my little rocking chair (that now is used by lrp2) and counted along, mesmerized.

Lil moonspun has a habit lately of wanting to watch videos on Youtube and last night after indulging one Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston request, I did a search for Sesame Street. And so we watched fun, classic things like Ernie and his rubber duckie song, and C is for Cookie. Then RP came in with some requests and we watched the Swedish Chef, some Mr. Bunson and Beaker and of course, Ma na Ma na.

Lil moonspun asked me this morning what “classic Sesame Street” meant on the computer. I basically said anything that was a long time ago and pre-Elmo. But mom, she said, Elmo is the WHOLE show sometimes. Yea, I said, but it wasn’t always like that. There was life before Elmo on Sesame Street. (and it was better, I thought to myself).

And then I naturally switched to Mr. Rogers on Youtube. I used to have a Mr. Roger’s album (go ahead laugh, you know you are secretly jealous). Mr. Rogers made me feel safe and loved as a kid. He really felt like my friend. And I remember vividly how clearly how the sound of his voice came off the scratchy record and through my childhood home.

It has been years since I have watched anything related to him. When lil moonspun was young I know she saw a couple episodes on PBS, but he was being faded out. So I was very struck by my internal gut reaction last night to seeing the sing-a-long montage that someone had posted on youtube with some of his songs (ok and they should have had someone edit it because there were spelling mistakes).

It was like I was a kid again and my friend was assuring me that I was loved and unique and all was well. Because even when I felt angry, it was ok. Lil moonspun seemed taken in by the 7 minute video as well. When the last song played and Mr. Rogers assured me that “It’s a good feeling to know your alive, it’s such a happy feeling deep inside” I was nearly teary. I know he won’t be back next week to show me things, but that’s ok. I know that alot of what he said was true. I DID grow up to a grown-up and a woman and a mother. I have been a good friend and try to be a good person. And I have tried to take his lessons and gentle reminders to heart.

So thanks, Mr. Rogers, for the reminder. Wherever you are now.

I think I needed it.

Ma na ma na.

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It’s toward the end of the day and nothing brilliant has come to mind for me to enlighten you about. In a full post, so I am going with short, sweet and random.

~ I am kind of bored today at work. GB is home sick and I always feel a bit out of sorts and unprotected when he isn’t here. Plus some big projects I had to do are done. Time for new focus.

~ FFO had double sinus surgery today. Lil moonspun just called me to say it went ok. As much as FFO annoys the living fuck out of me lately, that just doesn’t sound fun.

~ I watched via our DVR yesterday the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy and still like it. RP and I watch that together. Later, when I should have been reading about the Byzantine Empire, I watched the series episode of Flash Forward. Not as riveting as I’d hoped. Anyone else see it?

~ Our house is immaculate and I’d like it to stay that way. Problem is, that involves constant cleaning, right?

~ we bought a red clock for our living room, you know the kind with hands, not digital and RP hung it last night. I love it and now I can see what time it is while watching tv or being on my computer.

~ I think I want to become a digital scrapbooker. Not that I have time. But what do I do with all the stuff I have???

~ My work computer is being slow as shit today. I think I’ll need to defrag before I leave. Wait, I’ve got to let the computer catch up to the words I am typing…ok…done.

~ I am scared I am not nearly as good a mother as I think I am.

~ What if something happens to RP?

~ Wouldn’t my life be easier if I was lazy and didn’t go to school or volunteer or do anything but work and go home?

~ RP asked me last night if our parents had known each other if they’d have arranged for us to be married. I said no because we hail from different socio-economic strata.

~ I slept really well last night, so how come I feel so tired right now.

~ Ok….I think I am done for now…Happy Monday. No really, I mean that!

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I am not sure if I mentioned it here, but RP and I rented out our house for the weekend. It was parents weekend at the University. Our friends who own the place we got married at are always booked well ahead of time and turn people away. A conversation many months ago turned into us offering our home as backup and working out a deal where they ‘broker’ it and we get 70% of the price of renting the home out.

Now, on the one hand, it’s weird to think about strangers being in our home, on the other hand I personally have no worries about any of our stuff. Our house will be rented only for University related events. And I just know that a parent of a student or alums are not going to come into the home of a professor and staff person and be anything less that respectful.

So when the house was booked a while ago, I got on the magical internet, powered up my friend Google and found a place for RP and I to stay for the weekend. Often when we go away, our biggest expense can be putting damn dog in the kennel. So I found, with just a few clicks, a bed and breakfast in NH that doesn’t just ‘accept’ dogs, but caters to them. And so Friday afternoon, RP and I set off with damn dog to our home for the weekend.

It’s been lovely and as I type, it’s early Sunday morning and I am tucked under my cozy B&B quilt waiting for 7 am to come when the coffee and tea will be ready and listening to my tummy tell me it’s only an hour until they serve something scrumptious for breakfast. Yesterday’s fresh fruit cup and strawberry shortcake waffles were just lovely. Damn dog is on the floor at the end of our bed on her pillow and RP and I are both taking advantage of the free wireless internet. It was key for us both yesterday as I had homework to do and he (using the same program) had students to check in with in his master’s class.

My calves are sore this morning from an afternoon of hiking. It was a glorious day in NH, sunny and warm, but not too warm. Our hosts knew all the great places to hike, taking damn dog or not and so we mapped out an afternoon. We did take damn dog on one lovely hike through a town forest. But we also knew she is old (15) and wasn’t capable of doing all we wanted to do, so we dropped her off in the ‘doggie daycare’ for the afternoon and set out ourselves. Ironically we drove on a road that RP had run 9 miles on last week in his relay race. We walked around a small lake, drove to the summit of some rock climbing ledges that afforded us a commanding view of the surrounding mountains and valleys, and went on another hike up to a natural waterfall/granite basin area. By that time my heel was telling me the hiking part of the day was over. I actually took off my socks and shoes and stuck them in the freezing water. My heel was very appreciative. RP did the same and I took a cute picture of our toes basking in mountain water. He didn’t last as long as I did, though!

We ended our night with a kickass BBQ meal at a local place, have leftovers for lunch today and then gathered damn dog and watched a movie in our room.

The downside of the Inn it that kids have to be over 14 to stay here, but if you are looking for a great place to take a dog in NH for the weekend, e-mail me at moonspun at gmail and I’ll send you a link. I highly recommend it. RP and I talked about making it an annual trip.

How was your weekend?

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While sucking down some soup at lunch, I was debating about a post for the day. I am about 1 1/2 hour from leaving for the weekend and getting away to a B&B in NH that takes dogs. So yea, damn dog is coming! Looking forward to time with hubby and I was planning to post while there anyway, since I’ll have my swanky mac and internet access.

Then I read scary movie trailer viagra and I found myself reading a new-to-me blog by a woman named viagra kamagra uk erectalis And then I donated (albeit a small amount wishing it was more) to a woman I don’t know who lives very far away from me. Because sometimes that’s just what you do. You pay it forward because there seems to be no other choice.

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Last night I was finishing up my second post for the week (oh yeah a day early!) and RP was in the living room with his laptop. I’d sent him away because he was eating his nightly lunchtime snack of sugared cereal du-jour. He eats it LOUD and I told him I couldn’t possibly concentrate on the Crusades while I could hear him crunching. He was a good sport and retreated. (Although I could still hear him, at least it wasn’t too close and sounding like I was also eating the darn cereal!)

About the time I was done, he send me a chat message on Facebook and then I decided to see what he was up to. He was taking a quiz on which Greek God/dess he was. RP doesn’t actually go on Facebook that much and I was amused he’d given in to the quiz temptation. If you are on Facebook, you know that those quizes abound. Though how they can tell so much about you sometimes in 5 questions, one can only guess.

So here is the result of RP’s Quiz:

You are most like Zeus, the god of the Sky, Justice, and Morals. You are a great person! You are respected, held above others, loud, and well-liked. You are just and …completely fair. You have a great personaility and love to have a good time. You also are sucker when it comes to love and beauty. You cannot help but fall in love. You love kids and like to be around them. You can be kind, sweet, and up-beat. But, should someone cross you, you are the worst enemy. You do not take any bull crap from anyone and demand loyalty and those who are honest. You love the sound of thunderstorms and rainy weather does not bother you at all. Others look up to you for guidance and for advice. Weapon of choice: Lightning bolt.

Both RP and I were pretty amused at how this fits him. He loves the sound of rain, in fact last night, right before, you know THE moment it started raining and it was warm and the window was open and I swear RP’s whole body sighed a bit. So yea, I am married to Zeus.

RP got all excited about the quiz and wanted me to take it, so he signed out of his account and we went into my Facebook and I dictated the answers to his nimble hands. I, my friends, am Hera.

Here is what my quiz results said: You are most like Hera, the goddess of Childbirth and Marriage. You are a true leader and one of the kindest person others may know. You are proud and let everyone follow your example. You love the idea of having a family and you believe marriage is sacred. You believe babies are the cutest things in the world. You are devoted to those around you and are willing to help out almost everyone. You will not help those against you. You can come off spiteful when one betrays you and you won’t let the person forget what they did. It is like the golden rule with you. Do right by me, I will do right by you–Do wrong by me, I will let you know how wrong you were. Weapon of choice: You don’t need one,you yourself are a weapon.I think some of this is true, but am not sure I am a true leader. My favorite, though is the last line….I am a weapon, people!

At this point Photomonk popped up to chat and RP confessed that it was him typing, she wanted to know when she should offer things at our altars. In the meantime RP is putting in answers to a quiz about which “Grease Girl” I am….oh will it ever stop. The result, not surprising is Sandy.

Moonspun took the Which Grease Girl Are You? quiz and the result is Sandy.

You’re somewhat of a goody two shoes. You are naive, and you will listen to what anyone says and may give into peer pressure a little to much, but in the end you do it because you want to.

Photomonk wanted to know when I’d be in black leather. Come on, she doesn’t wear that until the end! I like the ponytail, poodle skirt and bobby socks! Ok and I couldn’t remember the names of the boys in the movie and who I wanted to be my boyfriend, so I picked Danny…isn’t that John Travolta???

And then I insisted we quit the quiz streakdand go to bed because RP was feeling better after his weekend run and his cold was abating and we were all about getting down….it had been a week damnit…

Anyway, I appreciate all the advice and perspectives you offered on my professor. He offered to take me out to lunch when he is here, which is very nice. I am very intrigued to meet him in person.

What of you today?

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