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I was watching lil moonspun at the Relay for Life on Saturday night and much of why I think I am a good mom came to fruition in my mind. Lil moonspun, at 9 years old was at her 4th Relay for Life. She was 6 the first time we spent the night participating in an all night fundraiser. They are part of her consciousness. She’s heard many poignant speakers, including RP talk about their experience as cancer survivors. She understands why it is important. It is part of her life pure and simple.

At the event, lil moonspun, who this year was on the team with a couple staff members, spent time interacting with them, including a professor who is pregnant and has a 3 year old. She wasn’t phased by being with them for some team laps. She enthusiastically became part of tug-war-teams, jumped into the dancing concert, showing off her impressive moves and simply bounced around the room interacting with many of the university students we know. She was part of a pretty intense dodgeball game that wound up with her as the last surviving member of her team (yes even my spry husband got out) and faced a pretty big college students fearlessly. She gave him a good run for his money, but in the end she couldn’t throw as far. He got booed by the crowd, though, when he tagged her out and several “way to beat the 9-year old, dude” taunts rang out. (honestly he was in a shitty position, because if he’s been beaten by the 9 year old, he could have heard the same thing).

I was thinking specifically about what FFO said in that e-mail I lovingly (you’re welcome) shared with you on Wednesday, how she sounded resentful and bitter that RP and I “are always doing stuff” with lil moonspun and the kids.

Well, yea, we are. Because we think it’s important. Because while I like to go to a movie now and again, I don’t need that to define my relationship with lil moonspun. We LIKE to do things with the kids. All kinds of things, like simple bike rides, the Relay, using our Christmas money from RP’s dad to go on vacations and weekends away (we will be heading back to Santa’s Village in June, thanks to the FIL). I like that I can not only talk to lil moonspun about what is important in life, but I can show her. While she isn’t always happy about me taking time to study, I know part of her understands. And I hope that she will be proud of me next year when I get my degree.

I like that I can take her to University events where there are no other kids and she knows how to say hello politely to the president and other administrative people. I like that she has been so good in yoga that when I go without her, people are sad. I like that I can take her to pretty much anyway and not worry too much. I like the life that we are showing her.

I am not afraid to be the mom who makes her shut off the tv. Like yesterday when after an agreed upon half-hour, she got out the glue gun and gemstones I suggested for a project. In the middle of gluing the stones to the side of glass jars for candles, making a mother’s day present for FFO, and decorations for our house, she said to me, “Mama, this is so much more fun than watching tv!”

I like the way I am parenting my daughter, because, most of the time, she shows me that I am doing something write. I may not be the coolest mama, or even a cool mama. But I am doing my best to make sure she is well-rounded. I know it’s going to get harder. For all her adorableness, she has distinct moments, ok, days and weeks, when early teenagehood rears its confusing and ugly head. Still…I am not afraid.

I want to show lil moonspun was a busy and active mama is. I want her to know that a good life is a blend. A blend of what is important to you and to the larger world. And it can all fulfill you, especially when it adds up.

Tonight lil moonspun talked to me about some stuff from school that involved some boys making fun of her, but lil m letting them make her angry. She had told me she was so mad she could barely speak. We talked about strategies on what to do. “Mama FFO always tells me I should walk away, ” she said to me. “She’s right,” I said (that’s something I rarely say), “YOu should. Even when if feels hard. ESPECIALLY when it feels hard.”

And so I’ll leave this rambling post on mamahood by passing on some ‘uncool mama’ wisdom I shared with lil moonspun tonight.

Strategies for When someone is mean to you

1. Pretend you don’t hear them.

2. Walk Away.

3. Go stand next to someone who makes you feel good.

Remember:

1. You and you alone are responsible for your actions.

2. What people say about you is most often a reflection on them, not you.

Words to live by. At least for my 9-year old.


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