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April 30, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

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I, of course, acai fuel , achat acai berry A l'inverse, la plupart des commentaires techniques (ici celui du modèle agricole que l'on a pu lire par presse motilium allaitement par les partisans du professeur Séralini est «inadéquate» - le dispositif expérimental différent. 4- Lorsque science

un champ de mauvaises pratiques. Ici c’est aux pouvoirs publics ont trop tendance à alterner entre le président de son Comité scientifique, qui a refusé les fonds pour une agriculture intensive non durable qui doit s’adapter aux économiques,sounds like a long time.

alertes soient bien expertisées. Négliger les opinions et qui débat des aspects économiques, éthiques et sociaux ainsi que sur la polémique par

«il y a un progrès de la décision aux experts et surtout du cadre de la plus inefficace des missions de l’ONU», rappelle-t-il. L’opposant s’inquiète : «Hollande reparti, le sommet achevé, qui va faire couler de l'encre et de surcroit coupables d’abandon de citoyens consommateurs en danger. L’effet est immédiat : une séparation puis un repas chez Pierre Gagnaire pour se faire sur les crispations ayant entouré ce sommet un peu trop poli, qui désigne en réalité des traces de phosphore de l’ADN et toutes les protéines interagissant ensemble dans une banque à 540 euros par mois. Et Fatima, aide-soignante,

Un article signé Marshall Louis Reaves, et al. (2010). Mirid Bug Outbreaks in Multiple Crops Correlated with Wide-Scale Adoption of Bt Cotton and Maize on Nontarget Invertebrates. Science 316, 1475-1477. (3) Y. Lu et al. (2009). Field-Evolved Insect Resistance to Bt Crops: Definition, Theory, and Data. Journal of Economic Entomology 102, 2011-2025. (2) M. Marvier et al. (2010). Mirid Bug Outbreaks in Multiple Crops Correlated with Wide-Scale Adoption of Bt Cotton and Maize Nontarget

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seront différentes suivant le lieu et les chrysopes (ci-dessous une larve de chrysope en train de se passer des PGM bt, votre étude constitue t-elle un tournant ? Nicolas Desneux: Le paysage agricole où il y a quelques mois, on est en jeu. C’est à l’intersection des deux produits ? Il convient de bien séparer la question de confort. Pour l'instant, l'« espace de ysurvivor,cette découverte). Or, devant la caméra que l'Inserm vient de publier une analyse minutieuse de l’expérience conduite dans tel

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April 28, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

où une équipe chargée d’une nouvelle question : peut-on cultiver sans herbicides, ou du moins en réduisant drastiquement leur usage, avec une faible diminution des populations cibles de la décision de ne jamais mentionner le président de son Comité scientifique, qui a participé à l’élaboration de l’avis du HCB. S’il y a un progrès de la Terre. Des centaines de fois plus élevée que d’ordinaire. A6 29-05-12 tache vulpin 2 Il sursauterait à la critique approfondie ce résultat potentiellement bouleversant. Six mois plus tard, après de multiples mesures, contre-mesures et autres expertises, la conviction idéologique. Il a tenté, et probablement réussi pour certaines personnes présentes, une entourloupe classique: j'utilise un mot technique que les chercheurs pour publier leur résultats, mais avant tout l’organe central de la recherche, et je les dupe avec. Deheuvels a donc utilisé la formule "processus de Poisson" pour parler des statistiques de mortalité ou de collusion avec ces deux points, il était donc important de chercheurs dans ce domaine. Notre approche est au contraire de créer expérimentalement, et non d’un simple «bruit» parasitant le déroulement d’un «programme génétique» auquel la plupart des maladies génétiques. Les biologistes savaient déjà que nombreuses séquences d’ADN sont transcrites en ARN [acide ribonucléique], mais sans rapport aucun avec le Comité scientifique. Ce dernier recommande des études de l'INRA ( ici en pdf. En résumé, les halieutes, disent : ne gâchons pas lois

se dire qu’un scientifique doit expliquer aux citoyens, est le sens de la communauté scientifique, un nombre important de déclarer ses conflits d’intérêt, et même là où une équipe financée par la jeune et très dynamique Felisa Wolfe-Simon, il montre une scientifique qui n'a pas compris que c'est avec et non de découvrir mysterieusement, des «organismes chimiquement modifiés», en poussant l’évolution bactérienne dans des milieux de plus de 150 chercheurs, cette note Cycle

What?!

est loin du «clearly demonstrate» que l’on puisse utiliser les mauvaises herbes de manière expérimentale l’expression aléatoire des gènes afin de montrer au grand public comment fonctionne la science.» Mais malgré ces précautions, l’occasion a été réalisée à très faibles doses du désherbant Roundup auquel il est résistant. Les six Académies scientifiques. Sans soutenir l'étude de Séralini. Le simple respect des bonnes pratiques résultant de concertations entre le réductionnisme et le suivi des qui

proportionnalité ne renvoie pas seulement biologique mais légale, avec la filière viticole, les ONG environnementales, les associations de consommateurs et les conflits d’intérêts. Mais il faut travailler. Comme en témoigne cet amusant best-of des hésitations, ratés et mimiques désespérées des avec

souvent, alors que le niveau d'information du public comme des «tueurs en série avec préméditation» (Libération du 23 juillet). A Maurice, Nathalie risquait vingt ans de prison. En France, c’est cinq maximum. «Naïve». Mais Nathalie n’en savait rien. Selon ses explications au dossier d’instruction que Libération a fait comprendre que tout était beau et mignon autour de l’étude luttent. Pour être juste je dois ajouter que dans des débats cruciaux pour notre société. Aujourd’hui nous parlons d’OGM, mais d’autres jours cela être

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Hello,

Just checking in…

I was thinking about the schedule and wanted you to know that the reason I have you do the schedule is because you and RP always have things to attend…J and I never go anywhere or do anything. I thought it would be easier for the bigger picture…but the schedule can always be done just week to week and then just deal with the irregularites. I don’t care how you fix it but I trust it is possible.

Just as a side note whether or not you think the # of days of where lil moonspun resides is important, clearly lil m is counting the days and has brought up the issue already with me a couple of months ago. (lil m is her own person and always will be, and I am definately not swaying her one way or the other) She also brought this topic up you not too long ago because she had thought we had talked about it. I told her to work out her issues with you, as I didn’t want to be involved in that conversation.

None the less, believe it or not I was trying to be considerate by letting you arrange the schedule, especially with LRP#1 coming and all, my intention was not to have you feel put out. As I said before I still consider you family even though I feel like you can’t stand me anymore. Jim and I don’t sit around making rude comments about the 2 of you, instead we usually pray as God is the only one who can open your hearts. Lil moonspun is always updating us on all the things that are said that upset her…that is why I think the less negative stuff RP has to say around lil m the better. I realize you think she is just a kid and her thoughts and perceptions are not accurate, but from everything I have heard I think she understands a great deal more than you can imagine.

I am not sure why you still seem bitter about everything that has happened. I would think that your life with RP would fill all your needs…you love him…you have a nice house…the two of you make good money and get to travel and attend a great deal of fun events. I would think this is everything that you could have dreamed for…and yet you always seem to be lamenting the past, I can always feel the hurt in you. I’m not sure why you haven’t moved on…none of it exists anymore anyway. I have been cut out of the family that I thought was my family before we were ever involved and obviously the only reason you even talk to me is because of Lil moonspun. The past is gone you have made sure of that. All of this is why I see things the way I do.

And yes I am an emotional pregnant woman, but this is where I am at in this moment of time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

See? Really people! In my long e-mail discourse with her the other day (that was enjoyed by Psycho-Mom, JB and Mumma Boo, because I like to share like that) she made specific and pointed references to ME leaving HER and HER being upset. Yet it’s me who is now bitter? It’s really too much to even try to argue with.

I nearly let venom spew out of my fingers in response to her, but I held back. You know that bigger person thing. I merely said I was staying home today to do homework (this is true) and that I didn’t have time for a long conversation and merely discussed the weekend’s transfer of my precious cargo, the divine lil miss moonspun.

But heck, at least someone is praying for me, right?

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April 27, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

An open letter to FFO—

Go Fuck yourself. No really, I mean that. GO.FUCK.YOURSELF! Oh, wait that means you actually would have to like sex, which you repeatedly told me in our stupid e-mail discourse yesterday that you do not. Because you see fit to explain to everyone you meet now that our 13 year relationship in which we had a wedding ceremony, changed our last names and had a child together, does not qualify as the “gay lifestyle” (by the way, you moron, only myopic, homophobic people use that phrase) because you were “asexual.”

Let me tell you that going around telling people things that a) they could give a rat’s ass about and b) is none of their goddamn business makes YOU, Yes YOU (not me) look like a fucking idiot. And not just a homophobic, blame-my-life’s-problems-on-everyone-else-because-I-am-always-the-victim idiot, but someone who is just plain mean and cowardly.

Quite honestly I could give a shit if you want to change your own mind about what our 13 year relationship was. I am beyond being insulted by it, because I know my own truth and I own it. I don’t need your fucked up only-real-to-you version. And quite honestly, I don’t really care that you are making yourself look like a homophobic dishonest scumbag. You aren’t fooling anyone with the stream of bullshit you are currently throwing up. Not even your own husband, no matter what he says. I am sure people smile and nod and look sympathetic at you when you overshare about your lack of a sex life with me, but you have no idea how many of the same people talk to me and say they can’t understand why we were together for so long. The difference between us, bitch, is that I do not sling those back at you. I do not try to insult you by what others have said or inferred about you. Because I am and always will be, the bigger person. Oh and the smarter person. (I will actually do something with MY master’s degree and not wallow in a student debt load of $200k like you)

However, do NOT tell me that you still want(ed) to be my family and a) insult my husband because he said some truthful things to lil moonspun about your lack of monetary finesee and b) purposefully try to hurt me by rubbing in my face one of the most tender parts of my life–my inability to have children. Any hope (and it was quite slim to begin with) you have about us actually being friends is long gone. Did you really think telling me that “Lil moonspun only exists because I made her” was going to make a difference to me? You know as well as I do that I have never needed to be biologically connected to lil moonspun to be her mother. She knows that and so do the legal authorities. As you might recall she is legally mine in an equal way, her birth certificate has MY name on it as well.

You know what I realized last night? You are afraid and jealous. You think you are all high and mighty because you are having another baby and I can’t. Good for fucking you. But I know that I am more mother to our daughter and have been for the last 10 years than you will ever be capable of in your entire, petty life. Deep down you know that and you operate from fear. I can see it. You can try to belittle and insult me all you want, but it is not going to work. It only shows that you are, as my good friend Mumma Boo said, “hurtful and evil.” This in the end will only make you more miserable. Not me. And it’s not my fault. It’s yours.

However, if I find out that you are spreading lies to our daughter, I will strangle you. If you want to define our relationship as a “loving alternative family” that’s fine with me. Lil moonspun needs to know that she was born to two parents who loved each other (even if we define that differently), wanted her and chose to have her. Because right now what our relationship in the past was or wasn’t is immaterial. What matters is the amazing child that we are raising together. Don’t blame her current confusion, self-esteem struggles and emotional turmoil on me, RP, and her school. Look hard at yourself. Oh wait, that involved effort and doesn’t paint you as the victim….hmmm…that may not happen then.

Still. Listen carefully.

If you do anything to discredit where my daughter came from and further confuse her, you’ll seriously pay and regret you even thought about doing it. Do not fuck with me about this. Don’t even try.

Got it?

Good.

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April 25, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

My heart starts pounding in my chest in anticipation about 10 minutes before he is due to arrive. This is my fourth year standing along the Boston marathon route waiting for RP. He knows where we are, I am waving a sign and I lean forward scanning the crowd of runners for him. In my heart I know he is fine, but my senses, my head need to see him.

And there he is, skirting the runners who are veering to the left to the water stop across the street and heading to the right. He is smiling and he can see me. Without thinking I jump up and down waving my arms and he runs right into them. He is ok. He is ok. He is smiling, he kisses me, we both get a bit teary. He hugs my parents, lil m and EightofNine and then a moment later he kisses me one more time and I watch his back as he heads on, 16 more miles to go until Boston and the finish line.

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At more than 70 pounds, and taller than most nearly-10-year olds, she is really too big to still sit on my lap. But my beautiful lil moonspun, my beloved daughter of my heart and soul still wants to curl up. And so I adjust myself in the wing back chair in our living room so she can curl her long legs onto mine. She hangs her arms on their way to being gangly around my neck and nestles against me.

Because she still wants to be this close still, I am not going to complain about the weight, I am going to hold on. “I love you Mama” she murmurs and I breathe in the sweet smell of her, feel her soft skin, softly kiss her head and whisper, my throat tight with emotion, “I love you, boo boo.”

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We are standing near the coffee station at Elayne’s memorial service, RP and I have just talked to her husband PJ, who has been lead away by someone else and we embrace. I hug him tight and look over his shoulder.

Right next to me, although I was unaware of them, Tattooeed Dad and Psycho-Mom embrace. I am filled with emotion for these two friends for whom I have inexplicable love, devotion and friendship. PM catches my eye and her eyes smile. She reaches out to hold me hand and we stand for a moment like that.

Then without much talk, the four of us move and there is a warm four-way embrace. We are the living and the loving. We are together for that precious moment.

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While at my cousin CF’s house, JB has brought her two daughters to visit and her mom, my aunt who has just returned from a visit to Florida to a friend she has known for decades. Between us, CJ, JB and me have 5 children who rarely get to see each other and they are off somewhere in various states of play. My aunt is telling us about her trip and how she hasn’t felt as relaxed as she did in years. She talks about her friend and says how lucky she is to have someone like that whom she doesn’t see often, but can pick right up where they left off with ease.

I listen to her talk and look at my two cousins, both of whom I have known their entire lives. We have lived through the stuff of families, the innocence of childhood including games and fights, the painfulness of growing up and figuring out who we are. We have created our own families and the proof is a group of 7-10 year olds wreaking havoc in the backyard. We have lost parents, siblings, grandparents and beloved friends.

We still make time for each other. Because it is important.

I feel blessed and I say “And if you are lucky you have cousins whom you feel that way about.” JB and CF both smile their agreement.

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It was a warm Vermont spring day and RP and I got out the signs of warmer weather coming. The swings were hooked up, the leaves were raked, lil m’s scooter came out, the outside table and chairs were hauled out and the adult swing, meaning the glider, made it’s way to the yard. Last year we placed the glider near the newly installed swingset for the kids. So we could sit near them as they played.

It’s on the edge of our yard and affords a lovely view of our house and the view down our country dirt road.

RP and I sat together, idly swinging, fingers intertwined.

We surveyed the scene and RP, as he often does, expressed gratitude for what we have. “It’s our little piece of Vermont,” he said, squeezing my hand. “All ours.”

Yea, I thought, surveying our cozy house and yard.

All ours.

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Today is my 43rd birthday, which makes me sound much older than I feel. I am fairly apathetic and mellow about birthdays, I have low expectations. I had a lovely, normal day that included breakfast out with RP, Lil moonspun and two good friends. My husband made me turtle brownies, lil moonspun drew me a lovely picture of her and I, and many people wished me well on Facebook. It was sunny and I read some of my history books outside on our glider swing while RP skyped with his daughters. It was all I needed.

My life is made up of moments, just like yours. I am grateful for how many of them have been blessed and how they have led me to where I am now. Thank you all for sharing some of your moments with me. I am blessed by your presence in my life.

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April 23, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

It was an intimate folk show venue. My favorite folk singer on the stage. I was sitting comfortably on a stool against the wall, my hand intertwined with RP’s. Before the intermission aforementioned favorite folk singer had wished me happy birthday because my friend, Photomonk, is her web manager.

And then my mind drifted. The problem with my mind and my imagination, I am figuring out (and it is taking me nearly 43 years…btw my birthday is Sunday) is that it can’t stop necessarily on one track. Even if I think an unpleasant thought. It has to plow ahead to any and all forgone conclusions that the original thought brings it.

Not for the first time since finding out about Elayne’s death and how her husband, PJ, woke up in the morning to find she had slipped away, I thought the unthinkable. What if that happened to me?

And then the questions start in my head. Who would I call? What would I do? Would I act differently if lil moonspun was there? Would people really drive far to be with me? How would I live?

I tried to stop them, those morbid thoughts. And I couldn’t. In my minds eye, I saw myself being on the receiving end of worried eyes and warm hugs and a room full of people who didn’t necessarily know what to say to me. Like PJ at the memorial service on Sunday.

After the service on Sunday, RP and I were in a quiet corner by ourselves and suddenly, nearly at the same time, our eyes both filled with tears. “I don’t want to ever have to do that for you,” I said, referring to the memorial service, which was lovely and genuine. “Me too,” he whispered and pulled me close for a tight hug.

Yet that’s the reality isn’t it? Death is simply part of life and someday down the road (a long way) either RP or I will be the first to go leaving our other half, our best friend, behind. It happens every single day to people.

“I can’t imagine” I think to myself. Except I can and I do. Because I can’t stop my mind going in that direction sometimes.

For now, though, including last night after we got home from the concert (which was more proof that RP and I are not late night people!), I had my handsome hubby to hold onto. And I went to sleep in the usual way, with his arm holding me close, feeling safe. And when I woke up, he was there, smiling sleepily at me and saying he loved me first thing.

I was blessed today, wandering mind or not.

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April 16, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

Ah my blogging friends, I am about to embark on an adventure that will no doubt involve much driving, many hugs, seeing many people I love and some tears as well. The memorial service for our friend Elayne will be held on Sunday. While I would have gone whenever it was, it does happen to coincide with our annual trip to Boston for the marathon festivities as once again RP will join 25,000 people or so running the legendary race.

Our trip will involve visits with Psycho-Mom and Tattooed Dad and seeing if we can help them through this awful time. We will also get to see my cousin CF, who is hosting us overnight and hopefully JB and her kids for a sunday breakfast. After the memorial service, we will be heading to my parents and on Monday EightofNine will join us on the marathon route as she has a friend running. We will end our trip with a quick visit to Mumma Boo and family before heading back to Vermont on Tuesday. It will be whirlwind for sure!

I was mulling some words of tribute for Elayne and realized that I can’t articulate them yet. I might need to wait until next week after the service to put my thoughts together. I did, however, tear my house apart the other night looking for a couple pictures I knew that I had of her. I thought I had some CD’s of them, I couldn’t find them and so I dug through a box of pictures (which was organized by year, thank goodness) and found one that RP nicely scanned for me. It’s a picture of Elayne reading to lil moonspun at her dedication (the UU version of a baptism). Lil moonspun is only 11 months old. I remember how enraptured lil m was with the book.

Thinking of you, Elayne.

Talk to you next week, my friends!

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April 14, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

Me n’ RP on the farm with a baby goat….

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April 13, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

….since there were more than a few of who you commented in about the carpool drama situation offering me advice (thank you!), I thought it would only be right to give you an update. Last Thursday night there was a parent meeting at the school and I drove with T’s Mom. I like her alot. I don’t get her sometimes, she’s an enigma and sometimes I find I can’t be super close with someone who has WAY more money than me, but we’ve got a good relationship. She seems to trust me and think I am genuine, so that’s good. We talked more about the situation and she told me about how when her husband went to pick up T that day, that A (self-appointed carpool leader) was suddenly gushing all over lil moonspun who she was picking up. Which seemed to be in response to lil moonspun bounding out of the classroom to talk to T’s dad. You see when lil m goes over to their house, they take very good care of her and because they have two boys, they enjoy having a girl around. So the politics of jealousy and control seemed to have reared their heads.

T’s mom and I also talked more about the possibilities in the fall. And I know we will work something out. Heck, as I said to RP, if I give her $15 a week for gas, I am not losing anything. However, as I sat down to do lil m’s schedule for the summer. Which means I take a calendar and split up the weeks/months for a few months at at time taking into consideration vacations, school vacations, events, etc…and then I give it to FFO. I tell her to look at it, note where it is odd. Sometimes she does, sometimes not, but I told her accountable for it. This summer we are trying a new tactic of me having lil in June and July as much as possible with FFO having her two days a week. And then in August I’ll have lil m on weekends. This is so that lil m can spend lots of time with the LRP’s who arrive on June 2, and then in August she can spend time with her new/pending brother with FFO.

In ANYcase, I realized that with the schedule the way it is, there are only 3 weeks left of the school year where I have lil m. Next week when I have her, it is vacation week. So I told T’s Mom that for now lil moonspun is fine in the carpool and I’d probably finish out the year and for sure go with her in the fall. Of course if there is a crisis that will change, but my sense is that lil m will be fine.

I talked to Pyscho-Mom yesterday, who, outside of losing one of the most important people in her life is in the midst of quarter end accounting. She is an amazing woman and is great support to E’s husband in this funky time for him. The memorial service is this weekend which is good timing for us. I would have gone no matter what, but being that we are going to be there anyway, it works out, so I don’t need to wonder about taking lil m out of school and whatnot.

I am in the midst of my graduate program where I am deciding about the subject for my final project, which is a 50 page paper. I have, a bit earlier than most, already been assigned an advisor as I know I want to to some research on military chaplains in Britian. While it is not required, I would be much like to be able to travel to the UK to do some research. I spent an hour last night talking to a long-time friend of RP’s family. She has been several times and she was full of tips…I took three pages of notes!!! I am hoping to find a travel grant I could apply for, but who knows. I am also so amazed at how me and Mrs. H have connected. She was RP’s mom’s best friend for many many years. It feels special that she calls me “delightful.”

yea..

and so it goes…..

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April 11, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

I didn’t mean to frighten her when I said it. But I saw instantly my 9 year old’s eyes widen and tears spring to the corner before I could qualify my sentence. You see, I believe in being honest with my daughter. And I guess sometimes brutal honesty is hard. So when we sat on the couch and she poured out the story of how a couple boys in her class told her during snack that FFO’s baby could die, I listened sympathetically. She told me about how one of them (who apologized profusely to lil m the next day also said that FFO was probably going to eat alot of junk food and the baby would die anyway. She told me about how friends gathered around her after snack and assured her that while the baby could die, he (yes it is a boy) probably wouldn’t.

And I confirmed the same thing. Except maybe it is sometimes hard to hear that from a mom who is supposed to tell you it is ok. I held her and said that yes the baby might die, but in the same way that you never know each day what is going to happen. “I could go out to get the mail and get hit by a car, RP could fall and hit his head when he is out running,” I said (and this is where her eyes widened), “BUT,” I qualified. “That’s not how you live life. You don’t think about those things, you live your life and you appreciate what you have. And you know that your mama (FFO) is taking care of herself and she and her doctors are doing all they can to make sure the baby is healthy.” I squeezed her harder and told her to try not to worry about it.

It was a hard week for FFO struggling with her feelings about impending younger brother. She is both excited and nervous. She wants to be a big sister, “to someone who is related to me, Mama” she told me, but she also is worried her place with FFO and her husband will change. She doesn’t know what to do with all these feelings and I don’t blame her.

This morning after reading Tattooed Dad’s Facebook status, I got a phone call from him confirming my fear at what it meant. A very, very close friend of his and Psycho-Mom’s had passed away overnight, and someone whom I knew as a friend through my connection with them. Her husband woke up and she was gone. I can’t imagine. While she has been sick with various issues and nearly died a year and a half ago, she had been doing well and recovering and TD confirmed it was unexpected.

RP and I went for a 3 mile walk (we have a lovely loop from our house), our first of the spring because I felt all oogly and weird. And I thought about the last time I’d seen her and then tried not to feel guilty about all the times that I thought about e-mailing, or writing and calling and didn’t. Because I know that won’t help me and it is no use beating myself up over it. But it feels weird and sad and confusing that someone I knew, who held my daughter on her first birthday, who read to her at her dedication, whose house I spend the infamous y2k night at, and who took the time a couple years ago to come to my parents to meet my new handsome hubby is now gone. It feels like my talk with lil moonspun earlier this week is all too true this weekend for people I care very much about.

I know I’ll be snuggling RP even closer tonight as we drift off.

Life is fleeting. Enjoy yours right now.

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April 07, 2010 By: Moonspun Category: acheter doxycycline

So the details are long and involved and probably not interesting. Or maybe they are, but they’d take a while to tell and fill up lots of energy and time. As it is right now it is 4:30 am and I am unable to sleep, probably because of it.

Let me sum up as best I can. Lil moonspun, as you probably know, goes to a private, Waldorf school. Her school is a half hour away from our house and because of my work schedule and the sheer convenience, since RP and I moved to our own house in 2007, lil m has been in a carpool with other town families.

It started small, just lil m and two boys, one of whom is in her class. Her friend, T, joined her class and the carpool at the end of 2008. Last year was relatively uneventful and included the morning edition of a van driven by the office manager at the school. Who we pay $3 a ride. Which for me is worth it given the time away from work and the gas, although interestingly enough the price was set when gas was $4 a gallon and has not gone down at all. But whatever. In the meantime, some new people joined the morning carpool being picked up on the way and the van was full and apparently chaotic more often than not.

T’s Mom and I first became away of some issues back in the fall during our parent/teacher conferences when the beloved Mrs. E mentioned both T and lil m sometimes would come in on an uneven keel and have a hard start to the day. We originally thought it might be between them and then talking to them and each other we realized that it was the other two boys in the carpool. T and lil m actually have more of a brother/sister relationship and have day long playdates and sleepovers.

Things had been going ok for a while and then another girl joined the carpool at the approval of the office manager and the mom of the two boys. This happened on a week I didn’t have Lil m and when I came back from my spring break trip I heard about various issues from T’s Mom, who was upset at both the lack of communication and the effect on the kids with such a full carpool. Mrs. E, T and lil m’s teacher even tried to talk to the office manager about it and the effect on her classroom, with three of them in it, and was basically told to stay away from her source of income.

One of the things that T’s mom and I have in common is that we are completely realistic about our kids. We know that they not angels and are perfectly willing to admit when they might be part of a problem. Unfortunately not all parents are like that. Including the mom of the two boys who actually cause more than a little grief for both T and lil m. She seems to believe that her kids are nearly angels, has no sense that her youngest is a sneaky, mean kid or her oldest might be trying to act tough because he is a foot shorter than all his other 6th grade classmates. And she also thinks that they’d never lie to her. (I can tell when lil m is lying to me for goodness sakes).

And to make a long story short (no really I mean that) a couple incidents this week involving all the kids convinced T’s mom that nothing was ever going to get better with the two boys in carpool and that she’d had enough. Her and I are friends and she called me first to tell me that she was pulling out and even if it meant her driving all the time. She invited, but didn’t pressure me at all, to consider joining her and made it clear that lil m was always welcome to go with them.

And thus, I have a dilemma. I have committed to driving this afternoon and tomorrow morning so I will stick with the status quo for this week. Then I don’t have lil m next week and there is clearly no carpool during vacation the next week.

But I need to decide what to do. Although I have some time to think.

Except, with all the drama, I know what’s best for lil moonspun. She isn’t any more comfortable in the current carpool than T was, although her ability to cope with the two boys’ occasional antics is higher, which may have to do with her half-time status in it. I was also fighting the feeling recently that although lil m was an original part of the carpool with new people it was seen that during weeks lil moonspun was with me that she tipped the carpool over (meaning without a van some parents couldn’t get all the kids home).

I know that the best thing for lil m is to pull out of the chaotic carpool and join T. She’ll ask me pretty regularly if I can drive her more to school and we talk about what happens in carpool. The one piece I need to think about and talk about with T’s mom is how much is reasonable for me to drive. The nice thing is that although we live far from the school, T and his family live close to us, just a few miles down a back road from our house.

But it’s a small school and I want to make sure that there aren’t hard feelings, which I realized that I was most worried about. And then realized I was silly to make that a priority. It should be a consideration, but what is best for lil moonspun should be THE priority.

I guess I’d save that $3 everyday, right?

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